Pursuing a 180 turn from low to high libido is very common for adults. Low libido can usher in feelings of angst, frustration or complacency. So how can we push the needle back to a sexy, sensual and energized self?
Can we throw a pill at it? Well, yes, but with limited results. For men medication only takes care of blood flow and for women, Addyi is still controversial though FDA approved. Our libido or our sex drive and sexual energy is impacted by biological, psychological and social dynamics and is absolutely woven into our overall Intimate Fitness™.
Since our amorous feelings and their expression involves the physical, emotional, psychological and cultural, low libido is a really complex knot to untangle. Based on personal experience and research, strong libido can truly be resurrected for many. Let’s take a deep breath and simplify the journey with baby steps toward reigniting our sexual energy via communication, creativity, medical attention and perhaps a little fun risk taking.
Communication is key
Make an appointment: go see a sexual medicine specialist, an Endocrinologist, counselor or sex therapist about what is going on. They are our first line of defense. Health care providers can help us discover the underlying cause and develop a turn-around path which may include: addressing painful sex (dyspareunia – dys·pa·reu·ni·a – difficult or painful sexual intercourse), medication side effects, hormone changes or some form of trauma. See this previous blog for low libido causes. https://sheintimatefitness.com/what-on-earth-happened-to-my-libido/
Create a Safe Space: for those in a relationship, it is critical we have open, honest, SAFE discussion(s) with our partners about reduced sex drive. Each person must leave shame at the door, risk being vulnerable and compassionately support the other. Safety and honesty will allow for positive energy which can neutralize anxiety and help remove fear of judgment from the conversation.
Self-reflect: share what desires or fantasies you have that are unfulfilled.
Senses: tell your partner how you like to be touched and what visually or aurally stimulates you and ask them the same. Be willing to experiment and try new sexual/sensual things together, like role playing, new positions, exploring new erogenous zones, reading erotica or acting out a fantasy. Be creative!
Perception: notice how you see your partner. If your lens is only seeing “the mother/father of my children” or bread winner, a mind shift is in order. Recall the man/woman who offered mystery, drove you to heavenly distraction and whom you fell so hard for in the early days. Separating security and safety from novelty and excitement can refuel your fire. Watch this awesome Ted talk on the nature of relationships. It explains sooooo much!
Words of Affirmation: compliment your lover often and authentically. Let them know how desired they are and how or why they excite you.
Accessorize: consider introducing sex toys, feathers, costumes or other enhancement accessories to shake up and freshen your sexual encounters – again, safely leaving judgement at the bedroom, or other door. Repetition of the same old thing is boring.
Since this is such layered topic with lots of possible strategies, more is to come in another installment which will give us all time to put the above into practice. Please send us any questions you may have and we will do our best to get you the answers and solutions you are seeking.
Photos by: Thomas Kelly and Toa Heftiba on Unsplash